Poster Boy
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: It was bad enough that the Reapers had attacked Earth and threatened humanity with extinction. What made the situation even worse was that even if Shepard and his crew saved humankind, someone would make a movie adaptation of their exploits.


**Poster Boy**

"So el-tee, which film tonight?"

"Surprise me."

"_Nekiya Corridor_?"

"Seen it."

"_Fleet and Flotilla_?"

"With Tali and Garrus onboard? Don't give them ideas."

"_Citadel_?"

"..."

"...sir?"

Kaiden Alenko still remained silent, gazing at James Vega and at the other people gathered in the area of the hanger deck that had been converted for this week's movie night. One word from the newbie, and he found himself without anything to say in return. Or rather, nothing to say bar threats that if followed up on, would see Vega sent to the star of his namesake...via airlock.

"Um...sir" the kid asked again, getting the hint that he'd crossed the wrong line, but still not stepping back to the right side of it. "Is _Citadel _okay? Or..."

"No...no it's fine," the Spectre murmured, turning away from the hanger deck. "Think I'll skip it though."

Truth be told, the former marine didn't "think" he'd skip Eridani Films's 'adaptation' of the Eden Prime War. Rather, he 'knew' he'd skip it. As in, not even look at the title screen or, if one was inclined to use hardcopies, the box imagery. That was all he'd seen of the film and all he wanted to.

_Besides..._the second human Spectre in history reflected to himself as he neared the elevator that would take him to any deck but this one. _I lived the film anyway, so it's not like I have to-..._

"Kaiden?"

_...see it again._

Scratch that-all he could...or would see now was that Shepard had come down in the elevator. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. And both could be equally painful.

"Shepard..." the Spectre addressed what some considered to be his black sheep predecessor cordially. "I thought you weren't interested in movie night."

"I am," Shepard responded equally cordially. "It's only now that I have the chance to actually come down here and-..."

_In the year 2148, explorers on Mars..._

Shepard trailed off, and Kaiden couldn't blame him. While visible tension still existed between the two soldiers, their confrontation on Horizon and more recently, on Earth fresh in both their minds, they could agree on one thing-_Citadel _wasn't worth their time.

_They called it the greatest discovery in human history. The civilizations of the galaxy..._

"Oh, for God's sake," the commander whispered, laying a hand on a head that had far more hair than was present three years ago. "Of all the films in this ship's library, they pick _that _one?"

"James did sir. But no-one complained."

"Good. That's _my_ job."

A job that both men knew Shepard wasn't going to do. It wasn't his place to-with Earth devastated and the whole galaxy next on the chopping block, "movie night" was about the only thing keeping some of the _Normandy_'s crew going. Appreciation of culture, a link to films that had their origin on their homeworld...whatever convinced the lucky few that had escaped the initial Reaper attack that it was still worth fighting against the inevitable. Even if it meant watching an adaptation of events barely three years old, portraying Shepard, Garrus and Ashley on its front cover with what Kaiden supposed was Saren looming in the background. Even if it meant forums on the extranet being flooded with comments that Director Risa Uvarson had made the characters too paragon...whatever that meant.

Bad enough that Kaiden knew his onscreen double was doing things that put his current biotic abilities to shame, but something told him it was only the start of a trend. If Earth was saved and the Reapers defeated, all he'd have to look forward to was watching an adaptation of Shepard and Cerberus saving the day, the front cover image featuring Shepard and...well, Thane and Miranda for instance. Still, at least going by that analogy and what he'd heard about the drell's condition, at least the assassin wouldn't be alive to see such tripe.

_Neither is Ashley though..._

Somehow, that didn't make the Spectre feel any better. Nor Shepard. He didn't have to be reminded of the choice he made on Virmire every time _Citadel _played. Heck, about the only thing good his superior had said about the film was that they got Liara right...which was odd, since Kaiden didn't remember her being an ice queen. But by way of explanation, all Shepard had said was a lot could change in two years.

_Take us in Joker, fast and quiet. This mission just got a lot more complicated._

"That...is not Anderson's voice," Shepard murmured, saying exactly what Kaiden was thinking. He pressed the button for the elevator. "I've had enough."

"Going up to sleep with the fishes sir?"

Shepard didn't rise to the bait...which was just as well, because Kaiden didn't think he could have lived with that pun being validated in real life. Still, there was one other thing that he couldn't live with either. And despite all that had come between the two former marines, he supposed he could ask Shepard to deal with it.

"Sir...one thing," the Spectre ventured hesitantly. "If I die, and we somehow defeat the Reapers, could you do me one favour?"

"What?"

"Don't let them put me on the third movie of the trilogy that's destined to be made. Because I don't think I could live it-..."

"Live it down?" Shepard exclaimed. "What are you complaining about Kaiden, I'm doomed to be on all three!"

Kaiden smirked-he couldn't help it.

As he gingerly returned the grin, Shepard apparently couldn't help it either.

* * *

_A/N_

_Obvious references aside, this was 'inspired' by the cover art trend for the _Mass Effect _trilogy, how the first two games featured Shepard and two fellow protagonists and, judging by artwork, _Mass Effect 3 _as well...despite the fact that Kaiden is featured on it, whereas Ashley is featured on the first. Not an error, but I couldn't help but reflect on the notion that Kaiden seems to have come out on top considering that as per the events on Virmire, their survival is mutually exclusive._

_Anyway, came up with this as a result._


End file.
